~ Jaden McAllister slipped the knife back into its sheath and finished pulling the ropes from his ankles. He didn't know why the hell he'd been left his dagger, or why his hands had been tied so loosely come to think of it, but he got the impression that he'd find out quite soon. Too soon.
A short panel in the wall began to slide open and he rose to his feet in one fluid, continuous motion. Disconcerting scratching noises were coming from the other side of the quickly widening gap. He used his last free second to scan the room again. Nothing to take cover behind, nothing to climb. Jaden once again unsheathed his dagger. Looked like he would have to stand and fight.
A lioness came gliding out of the little door, as silent as a shadow, hugging the wall. The opening closed behind her as she circled Jaden. He turned with her, his thoughts racing.
"What is this, the dark ages? Am I to be martyred? What's next? A gladiator match? I can't kill this; it's a protected species!"
Just as Jaden decided that the lone lioness probably wouldn't attack him another panel began to grind open. His decision was split second and final. As soon the second lioness slunk out to join the first Jaden ripped off his shirt and flung it up at the moving camera head high above that had been tracking him all this time, hoping to God that it would catch on something. With a silent Hail Mary on his lips, Jaden threw himself at his only hope for escape.
What he heard behind him was the scuffling of the lionesses, who had deduced the escape plan of their only potential prey and had decided to make a last ditch effort at conquest. The muffled bump of the panel closing shut them off abruptly, leaving Jaden in absolute darkness. He groped around himself to try and establish bearings. He could feel the blood thudding in his face and neck and realized that he was breathing quite hard. He felt hot all over and his bare chest was slick with sweat.
Knife still to hand he began crawling along the tunnel he'd dived into. It turned out to be quite succinct, ending perhaps eight feet later in a cool metal door. He ran his hands over and around it. No handle, no gaps. It occurred to Jaden that he'd be royally screwed if another lioness was let through this way.
"Or if they let the two in the room back in," the voice of logic reminded him dismally.
"Well this is just fan-damn-tastic," he said aloud. ~
3 comments:
I've already read this one! I feel like an insider!
Quick criticism:
-"its" not "it's" in the first sentence
-"smoothly came to his feet" sounded funny to me. I guess even with 'smoothly' in there I couldn't picture the motion. Maybe a more descriptive verb?
-I really like the phrase "as silent as a shadow"
-In "I can't kill this, it's a protected species" it should possibly have a semicolon instead of a comma, because they're two independent thoughts?
I like it, though. I think it was good that you acknowledged his being left with his dagger and his hands tied loosely... makes it so the audience doesn't go "yeah right!" because it makes us think there must be a reason for it.
Duelly noted.
Thanks for (proof)reading! Hope it's good enough to keep reading. ;)
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